Question:: Does counseling or psychotherapy help after trauma. I am asking because recently I was raped by a trusted family member. Is it common? Since then I notice I have become different. I am withdrawn, often lost and people have noticed the difference. There is little support from my family who blame me for all this. On the advice of my best friend, I went for counseling. The doctor is very probing and after three sessions I do not feel better. What should I do? Will I ever get over the trauma ?

Answer:: Counseling and therapy by a competent psychiatrist or psychologist does help after a traumatic experience. It is important that you check out the competence and experience of the person you are going to in working with rape victims. By and large, counseling should not be probing or flood you with emotions but help you take charge of yourself and get back your self esteem. A large number of rapes are committed by so called trusted family members. It is important that you do not hold yourself responsible for the act he committed. It is unfortunate that victims and survivors are commonly blamed when it is the perpetrator who is to be blamed. If there is a survivor group or support group that you can get in touch with, please do so immediately. Many women have worked through the trauma of being raped and have become stronger than before. It is not something that you cannot work through.

Question:: I am asking this as a parent. Sometime back we appointed a music teacher for our twelve year old daughter to teach religious songs. My daughter and I do not get a good feeling about him at times. My husband says we are imagining things, that how can a religious teacher ever assault. What should we do?

Answer:: In working with victimization and sexual assaults, one of the sad facts we face is that in many situations women did not trust their intuition. Trust your daughter's and your intuition about this person. Many pedophiles and child molesters work in professions that bring them close to children in unsupervised situations; and most often after an assault the victims share that they always had a feeling that something seemed wrong about the person’s behaviour but they could not pinpoint it at that stage. You may be wrong in your feelings but it is better to be cautious and be with a person whom you feel safe with. It is very surprising that often when parents appoint a teacher for their children, they do very little background check on the teacher. A reference is not the only thing that matters. Please check out other things about him or her thoroughly with the help of someone competent.

Question:: My son was only 12 when he died tragically in a car accident. He did not get help immediately and we were informed many hours later. I cannot forgive myself as I feel I should have done certain things to save him. I only briefly saw his dead body in the hospital after a nurse informed me. Before that, first a policeman on the phone told us that he is no more. I am haunted by his face and wake up screaming in the night I can't stop talking about it again and again to people. Is it O.K.? The pain does not seem to end. I am a Hindu. Is he born some where else? I wish to find out.?

Answer:: We are sorry to hear that your son died so tragically. You are going through a grief reaction which will slowly subside. You can join a support group of parents who are dealing with the death of their children. We suggest you see a grief counselor who can help you with your unanswered questions. A certain amount of repetition is normal for anyone going through grief. There are specific steps that you could learn from a trained professional about what to do when you have nightmares. I cannot say whether he is reborn somewhere but if this feeling gives you peace of mind, it is O.K.